How (Not) To Date Your Neighbor

NOELLE

"Are you okay?"

Noelle's mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

She might be the naked one, but it still felt like he was giving her a show.

The muscles in her neighbor's arms bulged as he hefted the bat. His long legs were tensed. His white t-shirt highlighted his tan, and his pecs pressed against the tight fabric.

"Are you okay?" he repeated. "I don't see—" He adjusted his grip, glanced around again, and then, finally, seemed to realize she was naked.

"Oh, shit." His blue eyes widened. All of his battle readiness disappeared. "I-I heard screaming," he stammered. The bat clattered to the ground. "I didn't realize—"

"That I'm naked?" Noelle asked faintly.

"Um. Nice meeting you. I'll just—be going." He was backing out of the room, bumping into the laundry rack, eyes closed. He'd raised his hands between them like a shield. For her or him.

Noelle cringed. Her gaze darted to the spider.

"Wait!" she blurted.

She was going to regret this.

"There’s a, um. There’s a…" She licked her lips. How could they be dry, when she was literally in the shower?

His eyes darted down then back up, like he'd caught himself looking. "A what?"

"You know." But he didn't. He was staring blankly. He was going to make her say it. "There’s a—spider. There." She shivered. "On the c-counter."

There was a long silence. He blinked at her in astonishment, and then it happened.

He laughed.

Noelle burned with humiliation. Her cheeks felt hot as blood. The sound seemed to go on and on, echoing off the tiles—

She scrunched the towel in her hands. "Yeah. Great. When you’re done making fun of me…if you could just…"

He scooped up the spider carefully in his hand, still chuckling. Noelle shuddered again at the idea of those eight legs touching her. "I’ll escort it out."

He left, and Noelle crumbled to the ground. She was not quite certain if she wanted to die of shame or fear.

Also, she needed to learn how to lock her door.

She wobbled back to her feet and fumbled her way out. She avoided the spot on the counter where the enemy had been earlier.

She ran to her bedroom and locked herself in.

Now that the danger had passed, she was starting to feel a little annoyed.

Sure, he'd rescued her. He shouldn't have even been there. And laughing at her? Noelle hated being mocked.

Being clumsy, or tiny, or afraid of spiders like any reasonable person? It wasn't an excuse.

The thought gave her energy. She hurried to dress and put up her hair in a ponytail, tucking the shorter strands behind her ears.

Her hair was still wet when she looked in the mirror, which made it look even longer and darker and straighter than usual. And her outfit looked thrown-together.

Which it was. Just the first fitted top in her dresser and a pair of baggy pants. The colors didn't even go together, but she had to do some damage control.

She stepped out of her apartment. The door was hanging open. The area around the lock was splintered, like—

Wait. She had locked her door. What the heck!

She rubbed her arms as she stopped in front of his peeling green door. They were still crawling from the encounter with the spider.

She forced herself to knock. There was no doormat. Even she had a doormat. It'd been a housewarming present from her mom.

It creaked open.

Her neighbor leaned against the doorway, arms crossed. She couldn't help but notice that he was very, very muscular. Or that his square jaw was covered in short stubble. For a second, Noelle wondered if it was prickly or soft.

Horny-brained. Not the time!

"Spider girl," he said, grinning.

She winced. "It’s Noelle, actually," she corrected, a little defensively.

"Jake," he said. He offered his hand. "Sorry for the scare. Promise I'm not a crazy baseball bat murderer."

His palm was large, square, and callused. It was warm against hers, which she was not paying attention to.

She shook it quickly, then remembered. "Your bat! It's still in my bathroom."

She had completely forgotten, too terrified by the spider. And her hot neighbor barging in while she was, like, basically naked.

He chuckled. "Keep it. You never know when you'll need a weapon."

She felt a prickle of annoyance. "Yes. It's like anyone could just get in, if they really wanted to." She crossed her arms. "The door was locked for a reason. Do you always walk into people's houses like that?"

"If duty calls," he said, showing her his badge. "If there's probable cause."

"That doesn't give you the right to break and enter," she fired back. "I have an MLIS, okay? I know how the law works. Or doesn't."

He seemed taken aback. Noelle felt ashamed, and then confused about her shame. She was right. Wasn’t she?

She rubbed her face. "Never mind. I didn't need to say that. Thanks for taking care of the spider."

She started to turn away.

"Wait. Sorry."

She turned around. "…Sorry?"

He grimaced. "About breaking and entering. You're right. I guess getting involved is a force of habit when I hear someone scream."

Noelle chewed her lip. He was trying. Maybe she could try too.

"Well…it's like you said. The door wasn't really trying to keep you out."

He looked relieved. His eyes crinkled. Not that she was noticing. "True. You should give it a firm talking-to."

"Maybe I will after I shower again, since the first one was rudely interrupted."

"By a guardian angel. Let’s not forget that, ma'am."

Oh. Noelle knew she should find ma’am old-fashioned. Maybe a little bit sexist. But something about the teasing tone was enough to send tingles all the way to her toes.

Darn it. Part of her had hoped that once they actually talked, her hot neighbor would turn out to be a dud.

Noelle realized it was her turn. She might as well have worn a t-shirt saying Hi, I'm Noelle, I'm socially inept.

"Well…thanks again for coming to my rescue," she said.

"Do you live here alone?"

Telling a random guy that you lived alone was Get Murdered 101. But he lived right next door. He would figure it out.

Anyway, he had already seen her naked and hadn't been weird about it. Or at least not any weirder than she had been about it.

Noelle nodded. "First apartment without a roommate."

"It’s a nice neighborhood."

"Yeah." She was going to have to avoid screaming from now on, spiders or no. It appeared that her walls were paper thin. Hopefully he was not a loud neighbor when he had…company.

The last thing she wanted to hear was him in the throes of passion with another woman.

And now she was thinking about that. Great.

She had been standing here for way too long. "Well!" she said, overly loudly. "Thank you again. I'll go now. Wouldn’t wanna get arrested for loitering!"

Not that! Don’t say that. How was that a good idea?

Noelle fled to her apartment without waiting to see how he reacted and slammed her back against the door.

She wanted to die. Every second of their interaction was playing in her head on repeat.

Where was the do-over button when you needed it?

***

Noelle tried to focus on the road.

She had slept in this morning by accident. It wasn't her fault that brain had refused to turn off the dreams. Of the policeman variety. With handcuffs.

Did she need to talk to a therapist about this?

Pulling into the lot near the bookstore, she could see that it was packed. Just her luck.

She made a loop. Full. Full. Empty? Nope, motorcycle.

There was a space-that-wasn't-really-a-space in front of the handicap ramp, where the blue paint had peeled off.

Noelle looked around, then went for it. She felt a little guilty, but…

"Noelle!" someone called as she squeezed out of her car.

A familiar blond, green-eyed figure had appeared. One hand in the pocket of his black hoodie, his hair combed back, a little tousled by the wind.

She was not looking.

"Hi, Adam," she said awkwardly.

"You haven't been texting back." He nudged her with his shoulder. "I've been worried about you."

Her cheeks warmed. "Wh-why are you here?"

"Your mom texted when Rodham turned you down. I figured you might need a pick-me-up." He offered her a cup of coffee.

This was…sweet. He always was anticipating her needs.

"You didn't have to," she said.

"I wanted to. Hey, I’m still seeing you tonight, right?"

"I promised, didn't I? I have to keep a promise."

Even if she'd promised before her little disaster confession.

As if on cue, Sandy’s text replayed vividly in her mind. DO U THO?

"Actually—" she started.

"Oh, Noelle." He was frowning. "Don't tell me you double-booked yourself again? What did you forget? What else do you have to do?"

With every question her discomfort grew. She hadn't forgotten anything. She just didn't want to anymore.

"I have work," she lied.

"Come on, what do you make, minimum wage? I'll pay for the hours you would've taken. No big deal. I missed you." His voice softened as he leaned in. "We haven't hung out in weeks."

She sighed. "I get off at five."

" Meet me at the store. Don’t flake on me, Noelle." He winked. "I’m counting on you."

He turned away. "Hey, wait," she said. "How much was the coffee?"

He shook his head. "It's one coffee. I can help you out with a coffee."

She didn’t like the wording. She wasn’t a charity case. She didn’t need his money or help.

He must have seen her hesitating. "Call it an advance on our date tonight."

She watched him walk away, stunned.

What? She had tried to date him. He had turned her down, which was the whole reason she'd been avoiding him lately.

Had he changed his mind?

Noelle looked around. A client was standing at the door to the bookstore, cupping his hands around his eyes to see through the glass.

Great. That's going to be a blast to clean.

"Coming!" she called across the lot.

She turned to look at her car. It should be fine. No time to think about it now. It was a commercial lot. Unmetered. The cops never checked the area anyway.

It was a long day with horrible, entitled clients. Freezing and dark, as always. Because the books were so old, they couldn't be exposed to much sunlight or get damp, even from humidity.

Noelle's nose and throat hurt from the dry air, and her eyes felt strained and tired. By the time her shift ended, she only wanted to go home.

Except she couldn’t, because she had promised Adam. She couldn’t bail. She had to go.

DO U THO?

Noelle shook herself. No. She would cancel. Sandy was right.

Something was sitting under the windshield wiper when she got to her car.

She grabbed the red and white paper, horrified. A ticket. A freaking ticket! It wasn't her fault the lot was too small!

Eighty dollars.

She was not going to pay this.

Forget that. She could not pay this.

She thought of the bills on her kitchen table. Her deferment period was ending on her student loans. Soon, she would have to start paying those too, on top of rent, utilities, internet, phone bill, car insurance…

Not to mention the money she always sent Mom. Or the broken lock she had to replace, thanks to Mr. Hottie-Breaking-and-Entering.

Noelle pressed her lips together and shoved the ticket in her purse.

She was going to have to ask for help.

Sandy had her own bills. Never ever would she ask her mother…

And that left…Adam.

Noelle got in her car, trying not to cry. No matter how tired she was or how much she didn't want to, it was time for a date with the guy who'd rejected her.